My wife wanted me to ask a favor of an old friend, a monumental favor, and I wasn’t sure I could.
Almost five years ago, my childhood friend Jacob agreed to be our sperm donor, so that Jen and I could start the family we wanted. We had Danny, our family grew, our love grew and now we wanted to expand again. But Jacob had said no to helping us again. Three times in two years, in fact. How many times should one ask for such a big favor?
I tried to understand Jacob’s hesitations. He created this wonderful, tiny human and maybe that had a significant impact on him, more than he thought it would. I’d have a difficult time giving so much of myself, especially after seeing this amazingly kind and brilliant child that resembled me, but wasn’t in my life on a daily basis.
Jen persisted though. She wanted me to ask him one last time. “Danny is such a great kid and watching him with Jacob’s family really made me want to have another, and I really want it to be Jacob again,” she said. She was serious and sincere. I know how much she’s come to love Jacob, he’s easy to love. Just like our son. We see so many of Jacob’s qualities and traits in Danny that I can’t blame Jen for wanting another mini Uncle Jake.
“OK, I’ll ask him,” I agreed. I grabbed my phone to text him. I didn’t have the courage to call, hear his voice and ask this question again. I was definitely nervous and also angry with myself for submitting to Jen. “Hey, what do you say to trying for kid number two?” My text was nonchalant, out of nowhere, and in hindsight, rude. I threw my phone aside and raised my hands to cover my face in shame. But a couple of minutes later my phone chimed. Jacob: “Sure. Let’s do it. When do you want to start?”
I ran downstairs to tell Jen the news and she teared up while she hugged me. She wanted to know everything, but there wasn’t much to tell besides the yes. Again, I found myself wondering what he was thinking. Maybe watching his family interact with and welcome Danny with open arms last May provided a much-needed sense of relief for him. With his family’s approval, maybe he was in the right after all. I believe he’s done the right thing from day one of all of this. It’s love plain and simple. Jen and I love each other. We love Jacob. We love Danny, and we know he and his family love us and the little man. We all will love the second child, too.
With the most difficult part done, we planned ahead for the conception. It took only two tries for insemination to work and Jen was pregnant. Even though we’d done this before, Jacob was still surprised that it happened again. We were all excited to know that the Wittig, Simmons, and Flores families were all growing, but we kept it a secret amongst ourselves. Jacob had more questions and seemed more at ease discussing the child this time around. Early on, he expressed his hopes of having a girl, so we would have one of each. He also wanted to see sonogram photos. It made me happy to know that he was more comfortable this time and it made me even happier when we were able to tell him that our second child is a girl.
Jen’s pregnancy went well. This time, she didn’t suffer through the never-ending morning sickness that she experienced with Danny, but this little girl sure was a mover. She kicked constantly, which makes us think that maybe she’ll be the soccer player of the two kids. I’m also preparing for her to be a feisty little boss who will make her sensitive older brother cry and give her two mothers many grays. She’s just already so much different than Danny and we haven’t even met her yet.
We also already know that she loves her older brother. Anytime she hears his voice or feels his hands, lips, or head on her, she wakes up and starts dancing. One more week though, hopefully. Then we’ll introduce her to everyone, especially her brother and Uncle Jake.
There will be nothing sweeter than that moment except for the moment when Uncle Jake said yes.
Leah Margaret Flores was born on July 10. Mothers, brother and baby are doing well.